Posted in General

Hello Spring

It’s been beautiful here this week in the Northwest!  Spring has officially arrived.  With the warm sunshine early and now the rain.  Do you know that smell of new rain?  That smell of water hitting the asphalt, kicking up the dust and dirt that has been frozen over for months now.  It’s not near as cold as many other places in the world, but we have our own winter that leave us longing for spring.

And this week has me ready to burst with all the newness that comes within this season.  Soon we will see all the flowers open and bloom.  The grass will grow and lawns will be mowed.  Jackets will be put away and more walks will commence.  Already the windows are open and the fresh air rushes in.

We have so many new happenings in our lives.  Spring is a great time to start new projects.  To look at the goals that you set out to achieve and really get to work on them.  If you haven’t started yet, now is the time.

I am spending time thinking on this today as we embrace these changes in our life.  Bring on the beauty of Spring.

spring-quotes-beautiful-1551892698 (2)

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Posted in NPD

Narcissist Drama

I have been watching the stats on my site for quite some time now and the most read posts are those about NPD abuse.  I thought that as I moved forward; away from this chapter of my life; writing more about self care this would become less but that does not seem to be the case.  I know this is a still an important topic to discuss.

So I thought I would write something new about NPD in hopes to continue to educate and encourage anyone going through this type of relationship.  Or for those that are on the other side of the abuse but may still need information from time to time.

And one area that I may not have touched on before is the Drama that the Narc thrives on.  The more of it the better.  The more chaos they can create for the primary source, secondary or even one discarded; the more supply they receive.  If the Narc can create drama for you; they get validated somehow.  One who is healthy usually wishes to avoid drama, so this is tough to comprehend.

But when I think of a Narc, my view is that of a flea.  A nasty, annoying little mite that can not survive without a host.  We itch and claw to make them go away.   We watch our pets scratch and shake in attempt to get rid of these. And we put special medication on them to help them.  Just like our pets need our help, we have to help each other in staying the healthy course.  We have to learn some new ways of coping and how to avoid the drama the Narc creates.

So I thought we should explore some ways to combat the drama that might occur when the Narc makes contact. When (NOT IF), the Narc makes contact; we have a choice.  No matter how much time has gone by; no matter if they have moved on; are “committed” to someone else; you are committed to someone else; you have relocated, had no contact for over a year or more; the Narc will make contact.

When the contact is made you may not feel like you had any choices in that moment.  You may be confused as to how they were even able to call you, see you, email you.  You may have felt that you were insulated in your new world.  You might feel, as I did, that the length of time of no contact meant a true moving on.  But don’t let that confusion derail you from the path you are on now. Don’t spend too much time on the how or why.  That doesn’t really matter.

What matters is continuing to focus on your own health.  On your current situation and circumstances.  If you are in a healthy relationship now, continue to thrive.  If you are working on getting healthy and the Narc has broken your no contact boundaries; it’s a reset moment.  It is not a failure on your part!

Here are a few ways to stop the Narc from creating drama in your world:

  1. Tell everyone when they have made contact.  Do not stay silent.  Do not hide the contact from your new, healthy partner, your family and friends.  You did nothing wrong. You need the support of those around you to stay the course.
  2.  Do not give it too much thought and attention.  Let the dark cloud this creates roll past you quickly.  Stay focused on all your progress and the healthy life you have now.
  3.  If need be; re-block phone numbers, emails, any contact information. Change your contact information, like you phone number or email address if need be. Move if you need to.  DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO BE SAFE.
  4. Continue to do the things you enjoy.  DO NOT let the Narc win by confusing your mind.  DO NOT let them live rent free in your head!  (thanks babe for that piece of advice)
  5. Re-evaluate your boundaries and be very clear (with yourself) on the consequences if they are broken.  That may mean knowing how to initiate a restraining order.  That may mean contacting your HR department at work.  Installing cameras around your home.  Alerting the authorities to a stalker situation.

You do not have to be dragged into the drama these folks wish to create.  You are healthy now.  You have choices.  You have boundaries.  And when these are broken, think of these ways to stop the dam from bursting.  Know that you are not alone.  You have strong men and women who have gone before you; who are in this with you and you can continue to move on.

Drama is not a part of our world anymore!

Posted in General

Dreaming of airplanes

Once in awhile I get stuck on just needing to escape for a few days. No responsibility. No requests on my time or energy. No alarm clock. With the weather change and the sun out more I’m dreaming of hoping a plane and relaxing somewhere new.

This quote seemed appropriate for today’s thoughts.

Posted in Sunday quotes

Sunday reflections (9)

It feels like spring again today! Waking up to the sunshine is such a positive way to rise. There is a hope that springs brings that is different than any other season. Promises of new, fresh and beautiful are on the horizon.

As I’m enjoying my quiet morning before the daily symphony of folks awaken, I’m reflecting on this statement:

Spring is the time for new. We have some exciting new changes and adventures we are planning and working on this spring. Can’t wait to see the fruit these produce.

Are you planning for new? Any beginnings coming your way? Watch for what may be coming, new life sprouts soon.

Have a fabulous day!

Posted in General

Honor the women

Today we honor women and the impact they have on this world.  It’s International Women’s Day.  I didn’t really know why or the reasoning behind this day so I thought I would look it up.  Here is what I found:

International Women’s Day (IWD) is celebrated on March 8 every year. After women gained suffrage in Soviet Russia in 1917, March 8 became a national holiday there. The day was then predominantly celebrated by the socialist movement and communist countries until it was adopted in 1975 by the United Nations.  

And I found that each year there is a theme.  This year, the theme is “Balance for Better.”  The 2019 initiative is aimed at gender equality, a greater awareness of discrimination and a celebration of women’s achievements, according to the International Women’s Day website.

In honor of today I want to thank all those that had to suffer to make our voices be heard.  Those that have marched, sacrificed and fought to bring the rights I enjoy every day into fruition.  I can go get a job.  I can cash my own paycheck.  I can drive a car.  I can marry or divorce whom I choose.  And so many, many more things that I take for granted because of the millions of women that have gone before me to create these freedoms.

Thank you to all the women who are still fighting oppression in countries I have never been to.  Stay strong and know that there are many supporting you and taking up your cause.  International Women’s Day is proof of how far women have come to better this world for themselves and all.  How we continue to be the heart; to be strong in the face of adversary and to rise up!  Not against others; but together.

Enjoy and honor your women today.  Take special care with the older women who know challenges us younger gals will never have to face.  Thank them.

I love these two quotes from Maya Angelou:

“You have tried to destroy me and though I perish daily, I shall not be moved.” 

“I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.”